Paul Osterhus: February 2015

St Petersburg Pelican

Some women want a large diamond. Others want to be a famous actress or a Princess. Some want large families or to be respected by their peers. A villa on the Rivera, a husband who loves them, a successful career or to write an impactful self-help book.

Cyndi wanted an RV. And in spite of my best arguments, she continued to want one. So for Christmas I bought her a small, used, low mileage RV, hoping that if (when?) we sell it, it will retain some of its value (“rv value” == “cost”, as I find no intrinsic value in an RV). For our shakedown cruise we visited Cyndi's family wintering in Florida.

It took me six days to get there. We found that Amarillo stinks of slaughterhouses, Grand View isn't, Jackon Mississippi is nice, Hattiesburg quiet and pleasant, Mexico Beach FL tranquil and over priced. We found central Floridians don't like coffee but love Jesus. RV Park with a pissing Jesus fountain. Lots of lakes, miles in diameter and feet deep. Super wide road shoulders where they aren't needed and none where they are. Hundreds of vultures gathered in silent, motionless wakes were mostly juveniles, in sharp contrast with the human population, who gathered silently, motionless in hundreds but whose median age was Extremely Old.

We stayed in Winterhaven amidst dozens of amusement parks: Legoland (formerly Cypress Gardens) just a mile away with Disneyworld, Universal World, Gatorland, Jesus World, Sea World, Dinosaur World, the Sausage Factory, the Tupperware Museum and so many others just minutes further away. We visited none of them. We did visit the Aquarium in Tampa; in St Petersburg we saw various beaches and parks, the Dali Museum and a sidewalk art fair; in Vero the Beach. And all the Dollar Generals within 25 miles.

But most impressive of all where the police. So many police. Winterhaven frankly is nowhere and all day, all night, all week there were sirens heading west, east. Some north, a few south. None going very fast but all very loud. City police, County and State were everywhere. About every 8th house had a police car of some kind in the driveway.

Leaving the state we were treated to a high speed chase. A white Lexus SUV went past us at a moderately high speed, followed by a half dozen cop cars with lights flashing and a few minutes later, another half dozen without lights. Then 30 minutes later we noticed about a dozen cops parked alongside the Interstate. Suddenly the white Lexus zoomed by again followed this time by a dozen cars flashing lights and, later, another dozen without lights. All manners of cars, some marked, some unmarked, cars, trucks, station wagons, vans, tractors. 30 minutes later we saw 20 or 30 cops roadside and again the Lexux zoomed by followed by an uncountable number of cars, some with lights, some just with cops. Eventually we left that Interstate for another, where we saw only dozens of cops parked roadside. I can't explain this phenomenon but the other drivers on the Interstate seemed unconcerned with the activity, as if it were a common occurrence.

Four days later we pulled back into Santa Fe. We did OK but sort of almost killed each other in Texarkana (what a fucking dump). The experiment was a guarded success but we need to see if it is repeatable or improvable. Actually, improvement is necessary for overall success. Outcome remains in doubt.